


nothing left to cling to

by makemelovely



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Future Fic, Grief/Mourning, Wakes & Funerals, alaric caroline kaleb and raf are mentioned, background mg/lizzie, the merge, title from always by gavin james
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23693959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: Hope knows the Merge is inevitable. She just wishes there could be a different ending.//or, the Merge can't be stopped no matter how badly they want it to be.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson & Lizzie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Josie Saltzman & Lizzie Saltzman
Comments: 16
Kudos: 107





	nothing left to cling to

**Author's Note:**

> if any info about the merge is inaccurate that's my bad I looked nothing up and I don't intend to look anything up lol.

The weight of Josie’s head is comfortable, familiar. Warmth envelopes Hope as the scent of Josie’s lavender shampoo fills the air of their bedroom. Hope hugs Josie tighter, her stomach twisting with nerves.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Hope asks, rubbing soothing circles along Josie’s skin. Her skin is smooth and soft, and Hope tries to memorize the feel of it against her fingers.

Josie lets out a contemplative sigh, the sound loud in the quiet of their room. “Kind of. I’m worried about how Lizzie’s doing. Do you think MG is handling it okay?” Hope can hear the anxious increase of her heartbeat, and she knows Josie inside and out, or at least well enough that she knows Josie’s just taken her bottom lip between her teeth and has begun biting nervously at it.

Hope can feel her heart drop into the bottom of her shoes. Maybe it means nothing, but it could be the difference between life and death. “I’m sure Lizzie’s doing fine, Jo, but I’m focused on you right now. How are  _ you  _ doing?” She asks gently, her voice as reassuring as she can manage. Tonight, they are together, but it could be different tomorrow. Everything changes at midnight, and it’ll never be the same no matter who loses.

“Yeah, Hope. I’m not confident, exactly, but I know I can come home to you. Not that you won’t be there or anything. I just worry about Lizzie, you know. Should we call and see how they’re doing?” Josie wrings her hands together, her voice slightly increasing in pitch.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Hope shakes her head slightly. “You guys need space, Jo. Tomorrow is the biggest day of your lives. Are you ready, Josie? Are you ready for everything to change? Be honest with me.” Hope pleads. It had been a struggle getting to this place with Josie. A place where she could be vulnerable and expressive with someone she loved who loved her back.

Josie goes quiet, eventually rolling over onto her stomach and meeting Hope’s eyes steadily. “My answer would be different when we were still in high school, Hope, but I’ve changed. I can honestly tell you this now without feeling guilty. Well,” She grins slightly. “Almost without feeling guilty. I want to live. I want to come home with you. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, Hope Mikaelson, and I can’t do that if I don’t win the Merge. So, am I worried about Lizzie? Of course. I don’t think there’s a world where I’m not worried about her. She’s my sister, but you are my forever. I want to experience it all with you because I’m in love with you. I don’t want to leave you, and I don’t plan on doing that anytime soon. Am I nervous about the Merge? Yes and no. I’m going to live the rest of my life with you, and I will do anything in my power to make that as long as possible. I’m with you, Hope. Always and forever.” Josie says earnestly, her eyes brimming with warmth and love and above all possibility.

Hope nods, tears gleaming in her eyes. Josie leans up, capturing her lips in a sweet kiss, gentle and glowing with affection. “I love you, Josie. So much it makes my heart ache because you are kind and gentle and  _ good.  _ You’re so good, Jo, and you have so much love in your heart that it scares me sometimes what you’ll do for those you love. I don’t want to lose you. Ever.”

Josie wipes the tears from Hope’s eyes with patient hands. “You won’t. I can’t promise you anything because the world we live in is terrifying and treacherous at times, but I  _ want  _ to. I want to promise you always and forever, and I mean it. Maybe it’s not a promise I can keep, but I don’t want you to worry about that. I want to focus on the present, and the rest of our lives starting with tonight. No more tears, no more unhappy thoughts. We can’t waste it all in one night when we have the rest of our lives, right?” Josie asks carefully, and it’s a promise without a promise being spoken.

“Right.” Hope agrees, leaning forward and brushing a kiss against Josie’s lips. She pulls away, settling back under their covers where the fabric softener smells of vanilla and Josie’s hair smells like lavender and it’s enough. Tonight is enough.

They’ll worry about tomorrow in the morning.

There’s time. Maybe if Hope says it enough, it’ll be true.

It has to be true.

Night passes in the little moments like Josie sleepily tucking her face into Hope’s neck, her breath puffing against the other girl’s skin in warm clumps, and the way she takes Hope’s hand and laces their fingers together, desperately seeking skin contact even while she dreams, her mouth twitching and forming words that she says soundlessly.

Hope watches her dream with a soft smile and a peaceful sensation unfurling in her chest and making space between her ribs and her heart, expanding with each inhale and exhale. It’s not the first time Hope has found herself awake while Josie was asleep, gazing fondly at the brunette as she slept peacefully, her face completely relaxed and utterly enchanting. Hope has seen Josie through it all. Through sick days where her skin was burning and she bitterly picked at vegetable noodle soup, and days where she was fighting against the injuries inflicted upon her, wincing when every movement jostled the slash of claws against her forearm. She would be healed in the morning, but exhaustion preys upon the injured.

There were even days where Josie was drunk, glitter against her cheeks and water and headache medicine sitting on the bedside table. She would begrudgingly accept Hope’s teasing for the hangover cure she would take by noon, finally ready to feel one hundred percent again after a morning of self inflicted pain.

It hurts Hope to think that she’ll either have a million more days with Josie or none at all. It drives her to memorize every square inch of Josie’s face, her pink lips to her fluttering lashes, gentle against her cheeks. Hope thinks about getting her sketchbook and committing Josie’s face to memory by drawing it until the sun rises, but the brunette’s arm is wrapped tightly around Hope’s middle, and she doesn’t want to disturb her girl. Instead, she stares at Josie and wills her to live. If not for herself, then for Hope. It’s this thought that ushers the tribrid to sleep, her eyes fluttering shut as sunlight begins to seep through the blinds. They cast an angelic glow on Josie’s face, but Hope doesn’t see it.

By then, she’s already fast asleep, heart steady as Josie clings to her.

* * *

They have the ceremony at night. It gives everyone a last day to spend with their loved ones. Lizzie cycles between playful and teary-eyed, MG will later tell her, and Hope sees it for herself when they all reunite in a clearing in the woods. The stars sparkle above, and the moon hangs high.

Hope thinks that Josie’s always looked beautiful in the moonlight, but if she’s being honest she’d say Josie looks beautiful in any and all kinds of lighting.

Josie runs to her mother and father, hugging them each tightly and whispering tearful goodbyes in their ears. Just in case, she tells Hope in the car while they drive out to the edge of the woods. Lizzie says goodbye to MG, who stands a respectful distance away. This is a Saltzman family affair, after all, and neither Hope nor MG are Saltzmans yet, and one of them will never  _ be  _ a Saltzman.

Lizzie finishes her goodbye when Josie does, and they switch. Josie ducks over to MG while Lizzie heads for Hope. Any previous animosity has long since dissipated, and Hope hugs Lizzie with all the love she can manage. Lizzie opens her mouth to say something, eyes unsure but with a strange sort of confidence, but Hope knows what she’s going to say.

“I know.” Hope hugs her again, her throat burning. “It’s okay, Lizzie. Whatever happens, it’s okay.” Lizzie looks at her gratefully, squeezing her shoulder before drifting over to her parents.

There’s a moment of silence where Hope waits, staring at the sky and wondering what would happen if she and Josie just ran. Maybe they could steal a spaceship and escape to the stars, see them up close. It’ll never happen, Hope is perfectly aware of that, but it’s nice to think about a forever with Josie. It was its own form of punishment to talk about it last night. As reassuring as it was at the time, there’s a fear now sitting in Hope’s stomach like a rock because she  _ wants  _ a forever with Josie. Wants it more than she’s ever wanted anything else, but there’s a very real chance that she won’t get it.

“You’re thinking too loud.” Josie’s voice startles Hope out of her thoughts, and Hope carefully notes the wet streaks along Josie’s cheeks and the shine of her eyes.

“How original.” Hope rolls her eyes, a lump forming in her throat. It feels like she’s saying goodbye wrong, but she doesn’t know how to fix it.

Josie moves first, wrapping her arms around Hope’s neck and hugging her tightly. “I love you.” She says against her skin. “I love you so much, I want you to know that.” She smells like the jasmine perfume she had put on before they had left. It was Hope’s favorite scent, and Josie knew it. Hope inhales a shaky breath. 

“I love you too. God, Josie, I love you so much that I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t-” tears streak down her cheeks, startling Hope enough that she doesn’t finish her sentence. Or maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t finish her sentence because she can’t bear to speak the words aloud.

“I know.” Josie says, and Hope can feel her tears, too, and she can hear Josie’s racing heartbeat and she can feel her trembling, ever so slightly, in her arms.

“I love you.” Hope says again because it’s the only way she can say goodbye without actually saying the words. She pulls away, taking Josie’s face in her hands. She stares into Josie’s eyes, compelled to sweep her off her feet and run away with her, but she doesn’t. Instead, she brushes her thumbs along Josie’s cheekbones, sweeping away her tears. When she leans forward and kisses Josie, it’s a tender kiss. A loving kiss drenched in the easy affection Hope has learned from Josie. She remembers how scared she was to love Josie. Josie was a creature of kindness and selflessness and she was half destined to die. Hope hadn’t thought she could ever love someone who was fated to maybe die, but Josie had captured her heart effortlessly. She was kind and sweet and thoughtful, not to mention passionate and funny. How could you not fall in love with her? Hope was doomed from the start.

Josie kisses back gently, trying to convey all of the love blooming in her heart with her lips. When they break apart, it is with reluctance. “I love you, too.” Josie says because it’s true, because Hope needs to know this. Because if Josie says one last thing to Hope she wants it to be those words.

Hope deserves to hear them every day, but hopefully that could be enough if need be. If Josie can’t say it anymore. She desperately wishes she’ll be able to say them again, but she knows it might not happen. Always and forever, but with one condition.

That one condition being she kills her twin sister.

Josie brushes her fingers against Hope’s wrists before pulling out of her grasp, turning and heading for the center of the clearing. Hope brushes away her tears and moves to stand with MG, nodding briefly at Alaric and Caroline.

“I’m sorry.” He says when she reaches him. His brown eyes are swimming in his own grief, but it’s not just for Lizzie. After all, Josie is his best friend. They’re incredibly close.

“Yeah,” Hope replies. “Me too.” In this sort of situation, there are no winners. They both know that someone will be going home to an empty apartment, but all Hope can do is wish that it won’t be her.

Lizzie and Josie embrace each other before separating. They murmur to each other before they begin casting the spell, the incantation falling from their lips in unison. Hope watches with her heart in her throat as Josie’s head tips back, glowing brightly as magic thrums in her veins. She imagines Lizzie looks similar, but all she can see is the back of Lizzie and the way her own head is tipped back as well. The chanting grows louder, and Hope watches carefully. MG is stiff beside her, and Caroline is gripping Alaric’s arm tightly across the clearing.

Hope is hyper aware of every movement made, every sensation heightened as she anticipates the end of this awful ritual. The breeze whispers against the leaves, a twig snaps faintly in the forest, and Josie’s fingers twitch ever so slightly whereas Lizzie’s arms shake, her fingers flexing rhythmically.

They’ll never know what happens. Whether Lizzie was stronger or Josie hesitated, her resolve wavering. What they do know is this: the chant dies from their lips and they collapse on the ground. Hope feels the earth stop beneath her feet and it’s like she’s moving in slow motion as she moves towards Josie.

Alaric holds Lizzie, his eyes wet with grief, and Caroline holds Josie, murmuring desperately under her lips. If Hope had the presence of mind to listen, she would have heard Caroline muttering no over and over again.

All Hope could hear was the way her heart cried out for  _ Josie Josie Josie Josie, please no you had to have won. Josie Josie Josie, please please please  _ on a loop.  _ Josie Josie Josie  _ echoing in her veins like an afterthought. Hope drops to her knees beside Josie, curling close to the girl as if that’ll make her wake up faster. She still smells like jasmine, the scent bowling Hope over like it’s a truck and not some stupid perfume.

_ Josie, you promised me. Maybe you didn’t say it with words, but you promised Jo,  _ Hope thinks, her thoughts running a mile a minute.  _ Always and forever. You said it, Josie, you did. You have to keep your promise because you always do. You said it, you meant it, so wake up. Come on, Jo, wake up. We can’t have always and forever if you’re dead. _

What happens is this: both girls fall to the ground, but Lizzie is the only one who gets up.

What happens is this: they were both alive, and then Josie is dead.

Lizzie wakes up with tears in her eyes and a scream rising in her throat. She can’t contain her grief. It flows out of her in messy tidal waves, a tsunami of sadness that quickly washes over everyone. Caroline cries, and Hope can feel this numb pressure in her chest like the world has ended, like it’s come to a screeching halt and the sun has imploded or something dramatic like that. Alaric asks her to put Lizzie to sleep, his words muffled against the water in Hope’s ears. She nods, managing to do it without collapsing into a ball and dying.

Lizzie goes limp, almost as limp as Josie, and MG takes her home. Josie’s body goes stiff, and Hope contemplates the pros and cons of raising the dead, but she has a feeling Alaric would stop her. He’s supposed to be a teacher, after all. A guide to morality.

Hope holds onto Josie’s body until Alaric makes her let go. Turns out, always and forever is a bunch of bullshit.

A bunch of unfair bullshit because she should’ve had it with Josie. She should’ve had it with her. A forever that made her feel good and loved and whole. Josie was her family, the one she chose and the one she fought for above all else. Josie loved her completely, and she never made Hope feel like she was anything but amazing and special and loved. God, she felt so loved when she was with Josie. Like all of the world was spinning for them and only them. Being with Josie was like submerging yourself in light and showering in liquified sunlight. Josie was golden, and Hope was golden by proxy.

Hope stays in the clearing for a long time, staring at the crushed grass where Josie’s body had been.

When the sun began to rise, she waved her hands over the area. Flowers bloomed, and Hope knew that Josie would think they were beautiful.

* * *

The funeral is sunny which Josie would have liked. Lizzie wears a beautiful dress, and MG holds her hand supportively when her shoulders begin to shake. Hope wonders if they’re holding each other together as tears drip down MG’s cheeks. Hope hadn’t gotten out of bed since her death. She had gotten home to an empty apartment, the smell of jasmine in the air. The scent had sent fresh tears pouring from Hope’s eyes like a waterfall.

Grief had kept her chained to her bed like heavy stones tied to her ankles and wrists. The thought of getting up to an apartment lacking Josie felt like too much. Luckily, Raf came by to give her water and bring her food. He had been assigned to Hope, and Kaleb had been assigned to Lizzie and MG because he was MG’s best friend. He and Josie had been sharing the title for a few years. Now, he’s MG’s only best friend.

Hope had gotten ready three hours before the funeral, stumbling through the motions of showering and brushing her teeth. She pulled on her clothes and did her make up, robotically sweeping mascara onto her lashes and picking out shoes.

She hadn’t been late, and she hadn’t cried so far so there’s that. Josie had helped her grow more comfortable with expressing her emotions in a public setting with crowds present, but Josie was only here in body, not spirit so it doesn’t really matter anymore.

Hope’s jarred from her thoughts when Lizzie steps up to the microphone, gazing out over the crowd impassively. Alaric heads back to his seat, settling in by Caroline. The two had spoken briefly, their words heartfelt and sincere even through their sadness that swallowed them whole.

It isn’t the first time she’s seen Lizzie since the Merge. A few days before the funeral, Lizzie had come to see her. She had swept into Only Hope’s apartment and collapsed into bed with the shorter girl, curling into Hope and hugging her tightly. “I had to see you.” She had explained in a murmur.

Hope hadn’t asked if it was because of Josie or Lizzie or both because the answer was painfully obvious. Part of Josie lives in Lizzie so any choice of Josie’s is Lizzie’s choice too. They had spent the day wiping each other’s tears away and pretending their hearts weren’t splintering into pieces and their souls weren’t fracturing. It had eased some of Hope’s inner turmoil, but not enough to drag her out of bed until the day of Josie’s funeral.

Lizzie’s voice is teary when she speaks, her loss evident in the wobble of her words and the way she grips the podium, her knuckles white with the strain to keep her hands from shaking freely. “My sister was the best part of me. Every dark, selfish part of me was given a counterpart in Josie. She was smart, and sweet, and utterly selfless. She made every room shine just by entering it. She loved me, probably more than I deserved.” Lizzie lets out a self deprecating laugh. “She’d scold me for saying that, you know. Josie loved with her whole heart. In doing so, she bestowed light on all those lucky enough to be in her presence. I’ve been a twin my whole life, but I’m not now. We used to argue about who the older sister was. I guess it’s me now.” Tears drip down the taller girl’s cheeks, and her lips morph into a terribly sad frown. “It was never supposed to be. Josie was the good twin, the nice twin. The sane twin. She kept me stable even when I was having one of my meltdowns. She always knew the right thing to say, and I never appreciated it enough when we were growing up. My sister was my best friend, my confidant. I trusted her more than anyone, and I always will. That doesn’t just change or go away now that she’s gone. I miss her already, and I know that I always will. That won’t change either. I don’t want it to if I’m being honest. If I’m missing her, that means she still lives in my heart. I know that she’ll be in my heart forever.”

Lizzie goes to her seat, and Hope stands up. She’s the last person to speak. “Josie promised me forever,” She says after a moment of staring out at the crowd. “And I believed her. I knew in my heart that we were going to have an always and forever kind of love. She was my family in every way that mattered. My best friend, the love of my life. My soulmate. It was all her, and it was always going to be her. Nobody else had a chance even when I tried to convince myself that they did. You see, I was scared. I was so scared of loving someone and losing them. My whole life everyone I’ve loved has died. It just seemed like it was a matter of time before another person I loved died. Josie changed that for me. She showed me to be bold in the face of fear, how to love fearlessly and selflessly. Not allowing myself to love her was missing out on a great opportunity. Besides, it’s not like anybody is immune from accidents or fate or their time just being up. Josie showed me what life could be like if I allowed myself to love freely, and it was beautiful. I was happy, and there were no strings attached. It was just me and her and our friends. I was content. I was loved and I loved in equal measure. Josie was a beautiful person. She was kind and sweet and selfless. She was good and pure of heart, even when she being too competitive over some stupid board game. She was a once in a lifetime love, and I am so grateful that she could be that for me. I am so grateful I could be that for her because Josie Saltzman deserved everything she wanted. I am so lucky that I was what she wanted. I chose her, and she chose me, and I am grateful for everything Josie was and is to me. I truly love her so much, and I am beyond thankful that I got to know and love Josie Saltzman. She was a miracle. Truly a once in a lifetime kind of person. One that I am going to miss every day for the rest of my life.” Tears are steadily falling down Hope’s face, but she doesn’t brush them away. She just lets the tears fall and heads to her seat.

After the funeral, Hope sits by Josie’s grave for a few hours and contemplates in the silence. Before she goes, she brushes her fingers along Josie’s tombstone and makes flowers bloom all around her grave. She thinks that Josie would really appreciate it.

Josie watches her go, an  _ I love you _ falling from her lips as Hope walks past her. Hope may not hear it, but Josie knows that in her heart, she can feel it. 

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone is interested my tumblr is @makemelovely and my twitter is @taramarkcv


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